Defining 'artwork'

[Tum0spoo]

*kelix gives _SehT a big hug*
I know how you mean... and best wishes with your current mate.

[Comrade K]

Wow. Can't really think of much else to say.

[_SeHT]

Wow. Can't really think of much else to say.

At least you bothered to say something, for which I thank you and TumOSpoo most kindly.

[Tum0spoo]

Wow. Can't really think of much else to say.

At least you bothered to say something, for which I thank you and TumOSpoo most kindly.

Don't take it personally if writting dosn't get many comments. Mostly it's lack of interest and being too lazy to read all that which keeps people away from poetry and stories.

[_SeHT]

Don't take it personally if writting dosn't get many comments. Mostly it's lack of interest and being too lazy to read all that which keeps people away from poetry and stories.

Oh, I don't. I'm well accustomed to it, in actual fact.

Until something occurred in my life that destroyed my confidence, and as a result my perceived ability to write, I used to write prolifically. Almost all of it was posted to a mailing list; many is the story that I had poured my heart into that vanished into the ether. Artwork, of course, generally received a slew of appreciation and applause.

I am old; I am weary; I am cynical. I expect nothing, and that way I am never disappointed.

[Tum0spoo]

*gives _SeHT a lot of warm happy hugs and snuggles*
Hey, I'm here for ya big fella.

[Muninn]

being too lazy to read all that

Or put off until they have more time.

I like the sentiment. I can relate. But I've never liked prose-poems, or whatever they're called, too much so I think it works better as prose.
There is some repetition in places which I take you added for emphasis but personally I think you're better off trimming them.
Try to keep the imagery coherent. "Memory ever green", is understandable but perhaps 'verdant' might be better.

[_SeHT]

I like the sentiment. I can relate. But I've never liked prose-poems, or whatever they're called, too much so I think it works better as prose.

The prose poem is the second version. The first one is... a freeform verse style. Something I've rather drifted into in the past years. I do still write rhyming verse, but not so frequently.

There is some repetition in places which I take you added for emphasis but personally I think you're better off trimming them.
Try to keep the imagery coherent. "Memory ever green", is understandable but perhaps 'verdant' might be better.

It's a play on words, really: 'ever green' <-> 'evergreen'. I did consider 'verdant', but it didn't seem to 'fit'... I cannot explain it better than that

[Kyler Thatch]

The reason I couldn't comment right away is because the writing is pretty close to what I'm feeling right now. Not exactly, but close enough.

So all I can think of to say is "Good job, dude".

[Ibun]

Eh. It was okay; but it's a little cliche in my opinion.

[_SeHT]

Eh. It was okay; but it's a little cliche in my opinion.

A little advance notice: don't expect to get a rise out of me.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But opinions don't mean much without reasons.

Or you could always do something yourself that is, subjectively to you, 'better'.

Just don't expect to start a flame-war with this dragon.

[The Donmeister]

Don't take it personally if writing doesn't get many comments. Mostly it's lack of interest and being too lazy to read all that which keeps people away from poetry and stories.

*Sheepishly agrees*

I prefer the first version. It seems to flow better in the (prose?), as the formatting makes it flow slower, giving you more time to understand what's being said. Then again, I was never very good with poems.

I love the second half of the poem, it's a very good description of his emotions, and I can really relate to him, as the way it's written seems very natural. However, I feel that the first half could be quite a bit shorter. Lines like "Hedgerow-lined paths crossed, branched, intersected and meandered railing straight and running crooked, turning, twisting, all coming together where that figure stood." seem unnecessary. Or maybe I'm still missing something.

*rereads*

[_SeHT]

However, I feel that the first half could be quite a bit shorter. Lines like "Hedgerow-lined paths crossed, branched, intersected and meandered railing straight and running crooked, turning, twisting, all coming together where that figure stood." seem unnecessary. Or maybe I'm still missing something.

*rereads*

I refer you to my post of Wed Jan 03, 2007 8:51 pm

For 'hedgerow-lined paths... turning, twisting', try reading 'all the paths in my life I have ever taken and will ever take', and see if that helps.

... gosh. I never expected to be teaching a poetry appreciation class here; certainly not using my own work!

[The Donmeister]

I understand much better now. Thank you, Mr Seht, and to whom shall I address the cheque for my tuition fee?

[_SeHT]

I understand much better now. Thank you, Mr Seht, and to whom shall I address the cheque for my tuition fee?

*chuckles* I suppose I deserved that.