Weird News

[Zaaphod]

How to become road pizza...

Australian motorist plays dead for car help

Last Updated: July 19, 2006, 12:58:13 PM PDT

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) - A driver stranded on a remote stretch of Australian highway Wednesday tried to summon help by playing dead in the middle of the road, a police officer said.

A woman who was driving with her two children spotted the man and had to swerve to avoid hitting him, said Doug Backhouse, a detective with the Western Australia state police.

"She drove around the body - which didn't move at all - and got to the nearest phone," Backhouse said.

Local police arrived with an ambulance and found the man alive and well, but with car troubles.

"The best way he thought to get a vehicle to stop was to lay down in the middle of the road and pretend to be dead," Backhouse said, adding that the man didn't think anyone would stop if he were standing up.

Police said they told the man that lying in the road was "a stupid thing to do," but didn't charge him with any offense.

The incident occurred near Esperance, about 450 miles southeast of the state capital, Perth.

[Niko123000]

Talk about Playing Possom.

[VisibilityMissing]

Del Close's role as Yorick may actually be played by an understudy . . .

No bones about it: Comic got last laugh
In his will, Del Close donated his skull to the Goodman--but is that now-famous stage prop really him?

By Robert K. Elder, Tribune staff reporter. Tribune staff reporter David Jackson contributed to this report

July 21, 2006

Chicago comedy legend Del Close, a figure of infinite jest, loved practical jokes.

His last act--the donation of his cranium to the Goodman Theatre--was a masterpiece of skulduggery.

Or was it?

The human skull purported to be Close's has become a legendary prop in Chicago theater and an endearing symbol of his eccentricities and offbeat humor.

But it appears the mythic noggin is nothing more than that: a myth.

"It's not his skull, but the idea behind it is there," said Jeff Griggs, Close's biographer. "The idea should be preserved, if not the actual cranium."

Of Close's friends and colleagues interviewed this week, few said they believed, definitively, that it was Close's skull--only that they would like to believe it is. Some said they never bought the story.

The woman who said she arranged for the donation, however, steadfastly says the skull in question is Close's.

That skull now rests on red velvet cloth in a clear-plastic case in Goodman artistic director Robert Falls' office. The Tribune recently took detailed photos of the skull and showed them to experts.

The photos "made me laugh," said Anne Grauer, a paleopathologist and professor in Loyola University's anthropology department. "One hundred percent of the models that I have here in my office look like this. It looks like a clinical skeleton that was purchased."

Rumors about the skull's authenticity started to swirl the day after Charna Halpern, ImprovOlympic co-founder and Close's longtime professional partner, donated a skull to the Goodman in a lavish ceremony on July 1, 1999, almost four months after the comedian's death. It was a star-studded, high-profile event in front of TV cameras. Falls even lifted the skull and adapted a little "Hamlet," saying: "Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Del."

For seven years, audiences and the media, including the Chicago Tribune and New York Times, took it on good faith that the skull was authentic. This month, the Tribune's Tempo section included the skull on its "weird list" of "enchanting eccentricities that make Chicago unlike anyplace else."

Close's tale, at least, remains eccentric.

Close, mentor to many comedians, including Bill Murray and John Belushi, died March 4, 1999, of emphysema at age 64. In his will, he stipulated that his skull be donated to the Goodman "for a production of `Hamlet'" and other performances.

Griggs' 2005 book, "Guru: My Days With Del Close," recounts Close's wish to play Yorick, the skull in the famous graveyard scene in "Hamlet."

"No one else has performed in a play after they've died, and I want to be the first person to do it," Close is quoted in the book as saying.

In her epilogue for "Guru," Halpern--the executor of Close's will--writes about her pledge to Close on his deathbed.

"Promise me you'll make the skull thing happen. No matter what," Close told Halpern.

"I promise," Halpern writes.

Some still had doubts.

"I would like to think it is his," said Andrew Alexander, Second City owner. "It's in the spirit of Del."

"Charna has always played a pretty hard line that it was the real thing," Alexander said.

Halpern continues to stick to her story.

"It was Del's last wish, and it was kind of his joke on me ... but I did get it done," Halpern said in an interview this week.

"There's a fine line between science and art," she said.

The science, however, tells a slightly different story.

The skull in question has 11 teeth. Close, known for his gap-toothed grin, was a denture-wearer when he died.

Griggs confirms this.

"He used to say, `I don't do jokes, but I do have one bit.' And then he would take his teeth out and talk with them" in his hand, Griggs said. "It's funny they forgot this story after he died and didn't take out the teeth before they donated it."

Further evidence: Some of the screws used to hold the Goodman skull together are rusty.

Rust indicates the skull is decades old, said Jay Villemarette, president of Oklahoma City's Skulls Unlimited International, which processes and sells skulls, including human ones.

"If this guy died seven years ago, it's not him," said Villemarette, who has worked with thousands of human skulls in his 20-year career in the bone business.

After reviewing detailed photos of the Goodman skull, Villemarette said: "In my opinion, it's 60 years old or better."

Grauer of Loyola concurred.

"This is a clinical specimen that was once hung by a pole for teaching," she said, pointing to a hole in the top of the skull, typically used to accommodate hardware for hanging.

The skull "has all the hallmarks of an autopsy," she added.

One of those hallmarks is a V-cut used to remove the front of the skull. A copy of Close's death certificate shows he did not have an autopsy.

"The fact that he didn't have an autopsy would conclude 100 percent that this is not him," Villemarette said.

When asked about the presence of autopsy marks and rust on the skull, Halpern said: "I have no idea. I'm not a doctor."

Asked why there are teeth in the skull when Close wore dentures, Halpern said: "There are no teeth in the skull."

When informed that there are, indeed, 11 teeth in the skull, she responded: "Well, Del had some teeth."

"It was Del's last wish and it came true. Why would anybody want to debunk it?" she said. "The first time Bob Falls raised the skull and did the Hamlet speech, that's when [the story] became true."

Condition and age of the skull aside, it would have been extremely difficult and possibly illegal to have Close's skull processed in Illinois. "Even though that may have been his wish, he should have known it couldn't be done," said Charles Childs, president of the Illinois Funeral Directors Association.

Legally, it's uncertain, says Susan Hofer, spokeswoman for the Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation, which oversees funeral directors and embalmers.

The willful destruction, damaging or desecration of a corpse by someone without proper legal authority is a felony in Illinois. But a willed request such as Close's hasn't been challenged, or known to have been actually carried out.

Is it still desecration if the request was made in a will?

Hofer said she could not make a blanket statement about the legality of a case such as this.

"If a complaint was brought to the department, it would be investigated and considered, based on the facts and evidence presented," she said.

Close was cremated March 10, 1999, six days after he died, at Forest Crematory in Romeoville, which is owned by the Cremation Society of Illinois.

Gerald Sullivan, the society's president, said he can't comment on individual cases. But he did say he considered his company to be "very pro-consumer" and would do everything possible to aid a client.

But whether the skull is Close's or not is almost beside the point, said Steve Scott, associate producer of the Goodman Theatre. Scott believes that Goodman accepted the skull in the spirit in which it was given.

"It's the idea of it, that's what is important. [Close] was a real cherished collaborator here," Scott said. "Whether or not it's real, I fervently believe in its reality. It's just nice to have Del around."

----------

relder@tribune.com

Copyright ? 2006, Chicago Tribune

[Zaaphod]

Come to the University of Central Florida! Learn how to meet women through arson!

Police: UCF Student Set Dorm Fire To Meet Women

POSTED: 11:46 pm EDT July 19, 2006
UPDATED: 10:28 am EDT July 20, 2006

A student at the University of Central Florida is accused of setting a fire on campus as a way to meet women, according to a Local 6 News report.

Police said Matthew Damsky admitted to lighting a couch on fire at the Academic Village Dorms last week.

Damsky told officers he hoped he would be able to meet women as the building was being evacuated.

He was arrested for arson and booked in to the Orange County Jail.

There were no injuries in connection with the fire.

[Burning Sheep Productions]

That is really...

[VisibilityMissing]

"People don't take this costume seriously."

Riiiight

Jul 22, 7:10 AM EDT

Man in Chicken Suit Cries Foul Over Abuse

SEARCY, Ark. (AP) -- To Steven Turnage, it was bad enough to dress up in a chicken suit and stand along a city street in 105-degree heat. Having passers-by shoot bottle rockets at him has him crying foul.

"People don't take this costume seriously," said Turnage, who wears the suit to promote a fast-food restaurant. "They need to understand that there's a human underneath that suit. It's getting to the point where this is really a dangerous situation."

One rocket nearly hit him in the eye and another burned part of his suit. Police have heard Turnage's complaints but haven't issued any citations.

"Obviously it is against city ordinance to shoot fireworks inside the city limits," police spokeswoman Amber Dillon said.

Turnage said that during the two weeks he has worn the chicken suit people have thrown smokeless tobacco cans at him and tossed frozen drinks. After a bottle rocket attack, he called police.

"It's challenging," Turnage said. "You've got to be very dedicated and have a high tolerance for heat. You almost have to have a calling from the Lord to do this type of work."

--------------------------------------

R!!: Part II

Jul 22, 7:05 AM EDT

Letter Rs Stolen From Ind. Signs Returned

GREENCASTLE, Ind. (AP) -- The letter R has returned, and two teenagers have some explaining to do.

More than 100 letter R's swiped from businesses' signs were returned Thursday in a box left outside the police department, police Chief Tom Sutherland said.

A surveillance camera outside the station captured the image of one of the teen's mothers returning the letters. Images of the woman's car also caught on tape led officers to track her down, and to find the alleged R-snatching culprits.

Sutherland said Michael White, 19, and Jessica Winings, 18, admitted they stole the letters from as many as two dozen businesses, doctors' offices and restaurants Monday night. He said the thefts began when Winings, who collects letters and knicknacks, decided to add some Rs to her collection.

There was no phone number for either White or Winings in published listings for Greencastle, which is about 40 miles west of Indianapolis.

Prosecutor Tim Bookwalter said he expects to charge them with one count each of criminal conversion, a misdemeanor that carries a maximum one-year prison sentence and up to a $5,000 fine. But he said authorities would be somewhat lenient in the case.

"They going to have to do some community work service and do some apologizing to some of the people they took the Rs from. We're more like Andy in Mayberry here, than in Indianapolis," Bookwalter said.

[Tom Flapwell]

Jockeys: When the Whip Just Isn't Enough
Jockey Paul O'Neill will be investigated by the sport's governing body after replays showed him head-butting his horse, City Affair. The Horseracing Regulatory Authority made the decision Monday to hold an inquiry after reviewing TV footage from the incident at the Stratford races on Sunday. "We haven't got a date set, but we are going to go for sometime next week -- our inquiry day is usually on the Thursday," HRA spokesman Owen Byrne said. City Affair was being unruly in the parade ring, ultimately throwing O'Neill.

First Zidane and now this? I bet that horse didn't even insult his family.

This is reminding me of 1997, when two people associated with professional sports -- Mike Tyson and sportscaster Marv Albert -- gained attention for biting someone. Now the trend is headbutting. There's just no maturity in sports, is there.

[Zaaphod]

There's just no maturity in sports, is there.

Never has, and never will be.

[Niko123000]

There's just no maturity in sports, is there.

Never has, and never will be.

Hockey wouldn't be half as popular without the brawls now would it?

[VisibilityMissing]

Other news from The Garden State . . .

Jul 25, 9:29 PM EDT

Police, Called to Home, Find Human Hand

SOUTH PLAINFIELD, N.J. (AP) -- An exotic dancer who decorated her home with skulls and a severed hand was to be arraigned Wednesday for improper disposition of human remains, authorities said.

Police responding to a report Friday of a suicidal person at the home of 31-year-old Linda Kay discovered a large, crudely severed human hand in a mason jar of formaldehyde on the dresser of Kay's basement bedroom, according to the police report.

While the subject of the initial phone call was not located in the home, authorities found six skulls in an upstairs room. The Middlesex County medical examiner has determined all are human.

Kay was arrested and charged Friday afternoon in South Plainfield Municipal Court, where she faces arraignment at 9 a.m. Wednesday. As of early Tuesday, no lawyer had filed papers on her behalf, a court administrator said.

Kay could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

While human skulls may be purchased online, the origin of the hand is more troubling. The police report states it was severed roughly, not surgically, with bone fragments in the jar.

Two people who knew Kay, including one who stayed at her house for about two months earlier this year, told The Star-Ledger of Newark for that the hand, which Kay nicknamed "Freddy," was a gift from a medical student who frequented the Union strip club where she dances. At the all-nude juice bar called Hott 22, Kay nurtured her Gothic persona, wearing dark costumes, heavy eyeliner, piercings and tattoos.

Kay's mother told the newspaper that her daughter had always been fascinated with the macabre. As a girl she found and collected animal skulls and snake skeletons. Patricia Ann Kay said her daughter purchased the human skulls from a mail order catalog.

"She has a flair for the dramatic," her mother told the newspaper for Tuesday's editions. "I have never tried to stop my children from doing whatever they want. As long as they are happy, aren't hurting anyone, and it's keeping them out of the poor house."

A South Plainfield Judge released Kay from custody Friday on $100,000 bail.

---
Information from: The Star-Ledger, http://www.nj.com/starledger

[VisibilityMissing]

Jul 28, 7:52 AM EDT

Drivers List Cars as Hearses to Save Fees

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) -- Transport authorities promised swift action Friday after discovering some New Zealanders have listed their cars as hearses to cut their registration fees.

The scam came to light when a Christchurch woman told a local radio station she had paid just 58 New Zealand dollars ($36) to register her car, instead of the usual NZ$183 ($113), by registering it as a "noncommercial hearse" to carry dead animals.

The woman's definition of carrying dead animals: taking frozen chickens home from the supermarket.

Other listeners then called in to say they had done the same, NewstalkZB station producer Lesley Murdoch said.

Some 1,500 vehicles are registered under the heading "noncommercial hearse/ambulance," making them exempt from a number of official levies, according to Andy Knackstedt, spokesman for Land Transport New Zealand, the government body responsible for land transport funding.

He was unable to say how many are legitimate hearses being operated by undertakers, how many are noncommercial ambulances and how many might be "fake hearses."

"The dictionary definition of a hearse is a vehicle used to convey coffins, not to convey groceries," he said Friday.

The Transport Registration Center has already uncovered 40 car owners who falsely changed their registration to that category, Knackstedt said, adding that the agency will be writing to all them.

"People are committing an offense when they do this and could be putting their insurance policy in jeopardy," he said.

[Zaaphod]

Tom Lehrer would be proud...

ER Closed, Hazmat Called After Birds Fall From Sky

POSTED: 12:12 pm EDT July 28, 2006

SCHENECTADY, N.Y. -- Pigeons falling from the sky prompted a hospital in Schenectady, N.Y., to close its emergency room and call in a hazardous materials team.

The birds had been poisoned by an exterminator.

Fire and police personnel noticed the dead and dying birds on the ground when they arrived at Ellis Hospital's emergency room on an unrelated matter.

They closed off the ER for several hours out of fear that one of the falling birds would hit someone. A hazmat official said, "Birds were coming down like divebombers."

The hospital had hired a professional exterminator to rid the roof of pigeons. Authorities said they'll check to see if the proper amount of pesticide was used.

[VisibilityMissing]

"Poisoning the pigeons in the park!"

----------------------------------------

The "No-Help Desk" . . .

Readers ask: Bizarre help desk questions we just can't answer
Computerworld staff

July 28, 2006 (Computerworld) Computerworld.com has a "Help Desk" e-mail submission page for readers to report site problems or ask questions about how the site works. Some readers, however, find more creative ways to use this feature, ignoring our plea that states: "This area is specific only to the Computerworld Web site, so please do not use it as a help resource for general Web-related problems."

Below are some of our favorites, exactly as they were received, with only identifying information removed. The, um, creative spelling, has been left intact, giving you a good idea of the kinds of queries real IT help desk staffers get.

Baseball prospect

my name is carlos im 19 yrs old ive been playing baseball all my life. i know i am pro meterial all i need is a chance i play for the braddock braves in pittsburgh pa please send a scout to see me

Soap operas

my question is to help me out getting to the cbs soap operas as the guiding light as the world turns ok since its computer thing looks like that i could go at start of these two soap operas and watch them when they first started on cbs tv i mean watch them over from the very start.

Sounds legit to us

please check this websit out for me this guy email that I have won 263,some owe dollars allI need to do is pick a courier and pay $500.00 for the winnings thanks for your help marva please write me right back before I pay this guy one penny this may be for real so I really need to know ASAP

He's on the way

hell
some prob in my PC, send yuor man to check it out, i unable to use internet.
thanks

Up in the ozone

i have an email address at the school i attend. i can get into my ozone it is called but when i click email a window pops up from novellwebapplications. it asks for a user name and a password. i dont know what to give it.. can you help?

Prlinter prloblems

My friend is giving me a HP 820cxi printer, but I don't have the cd to install it. How can I do this? I have a HP computer already and want to use my "new" prlinter right away. Please help asap. Thanks.

New line of business for Computerworld?

Please call me to discuss details for purchase of a Desktop.

We can't either

I cannot print an e.mail I wrote last night.

Need a little more info

i,m a computer science student in the university pls do help me.

Hey, it's not us

I don't know what you are doing with your e-mail links to cause them to open in a browser "of their own choosing", and then to close with without warning and without any action on my part, but it suggests to me that you are attempting to probe my system, otherwise learn its capabilities, defeat the pop-up stopper, or something... Whatever is going on, it has become sufficiently irritating I'm about to turn off Compuworld e-mails. What's going on?

Have you tried filing a missing OS report?

i have an advent 7340 laptop and it has a missing operating system and wont run at all?
I have inserted the windows 98 cd, but there is no difference?
What should i do?

Not the kind of CDs we deal with

Hello, I have a CD with yoiur firm, my account number is 5001750982, it looks like you are still sending mail to me old address I have moved now please correct your records.

Work at a real IT help desk? Feel free to send us your craziest help desk requests and we'll compile them for a future story.

editor@computerworld.com

[Zaaphod]

While in my small room having a short talk with my buddies, we often eat pepperoni elastic loaves.

Iranian Leader Bans Usage of Foreign Words

Hardline Iranian President Orders Foreign Words Stricken From Official Vocabulary


TEHRAN, Iran Jul 29, 2006 (AP) Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ordered government and cultural bodies to use modified Persian words to replace foreign words that have crept into the language, such as "pizzas" which will now be known as "elastic loaves," state media reported Saturday.

The presidential decree, issued earlier this week, orders all governmental agencies, newspapers and publications to use words deemed more appropriate by the official language watchdog, the Farhangestan Zaban e Farsi, or Persian Academy, the Irna official news agency reported.

The academy has introduced more than 2,000 words as alternatives for some of the foreign words that have become commonly used in Iran, mostly from Western languages. The government is less sensitive about Arabic words, because the Quran is written in Arabic.

Among other changes, a "chat" will become a "short talk" and a "cabin" will be renamed a "small room," according to official Web site of the academy.

[Tom Flapwell]

Except that "pepperoni" is foreign as well. I guess that would be the Farsi equivalent of "ham discs."

In other news, according to the Express, more than two-thirds of 12,000 surveyed obese people in the U.S. say they have healthy eating habits.

I don't like this country.