Define Cynical Fan Forums

Football (or if you're American, soccer), it's that time again. We don't seem to be too sporty around here but there was a topic for the World Cup last time round, so I figure I'll start one for this.

Sixteen teams in four groups of four, then the knockout stages. Right now the first match is being played, Switzerland vs. Czech Republic.

Swiss players run like clockwork. They use the chocolate slip tackling strategy where their defensive players will squirt high quality chocolate out of a tube to make their opponents fall down. However, their world-renowend neutrality forbids their players to forcefully assult other players thus the team spends only 12.91% of the game having possesion of the ball.

The Czech Republic are harder to pin down. Their strict regimen involves slivovitz, pork and the occasional colour-coded revolution. Their players are pumped full of Frank Zappa from an early age and are thus liable to do any crazy thing. In an exhibition match in November 2007 the Czech forward Milan Baros trepanned the referee, recited "Smanie implacabili" from "Cosi fan tutte, ossia La scuola degli amanti" and wrote an ode to Franz Kafka on his naked chest.

I'm no expert about the Euro tournament, but I do know it draws some very strange people:

I'm no expert about the Euro tournament, but I do know it draws some very strange people:

Nah, she's just trying to be a contestant on "Let's Make A Deal!"...

I'm no expert about the Euro tournament, but I do know it draws some very strange people:

This, gentlemen, is what makes soccer fans the craziest on earth.

I want to see a woman in that getup on the subway. Just cuz. (Yesterday, the coolest thing I saw in this city was a group of Tibetan monks.)

*snrrk* I doubt she could get that thing through the doors.

I hoping Romania does well, but they got shafted when it comes to grouping
I hope no one pulls a yo momma joke...

I love to watch the soccerball. Go the striker!

Euro 2008 has a lot going for it. For one thing, England aren't there, so the usual triumphalistic media masturbation of the mediocre talents that comprise their team isn't happening (I get English TV stations, even though I don't live there, so my footie is filtered through the English media whether I like it or not).

And that Holland - Italy game was magic. Great viewing.

Spain won. It was boring. Ho hum.

Spain won. It was boring. Ho hum.

Isn't that the first time Spain has won anything in.. well, forever?

Spain won. It was boring. Ho hum.

Isn't that the way soccer usually is?

wow, spain won.

Spain won. It was boring. Ho hum.

Isn't that the way soccer usually is?

I'm not sure how you can get so defensive over, say, Nascar, when you make comments like that about other sports, be it a joke or not.

If you guys are complaining about how boring it was, you didn't see Turkey play.

Though I'm glad Spain won. They haven't won a major title in 44 years, and with all that talent, they were well overdue.

Wish Italy had won it all though...

It's Spain's first trophy in 44 years.

The tournament as a whole started with a bang, but ended with a fizzle. The Dutch were the highlight, but, as the Dutch always do, they self-destructed.

When I said, "It was boring", I mean the final, which was a 1-0 snooze-fest.

Overall, I really enjoyed this year's European Championship and mostly because England weren't in it, meaning that the incredibly vindictive media frenzy over the English national team wasn't whipped up and, since I get my footie through English media (BBC, ITV and the like) it was a really pleasant experience.