Define Cynical Fan Forums

EDIT 2-7-08
I finally got the storyboard back a week or two ago, so I put together the entire project here. Sorry if you don't use Microsoft Word.

Short Story - the main attraction, 7 pages
Final draft, rough draft.
Final draft has some moderate changes from the rough draft I originally posted here. I've also uploaded the final draft in TXT format here if you don't want to open up Word to read it. Sorry, no forced word wrapping.

Screenplay - the above story turned into dialog format, as if it was an actual movie. Here I turned it into Millie looking back on the situation, so anytime you see "(V.O)" it means that it's Millie doing a voice-over, narrating the events that occurred. 9 pages.
Final draft

Storyboard - 12 scenes from our "movie" drawn out and colored, with scene information on each one. Mostly traced from official O&M strips we cropped and printed out. House Rules was helpful in getting color references.
Click for image!
I gave Greg the image for scene 11 to use as a REFERENCE so he could modify it into a hugging scene. Apparently he didn't get the memo.

Business letter - required for assignment, fake letter to some production company.
Final draft

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Original post:

Due to an English assignment to write a short story, I ended up writing an Ozy and Millie fan-fiction of sorts. However, there are a few things to keep in mind:
1. The majority of this was written at 2-4 AM last night. As such, the writing quality isn't the greatest.
2. The intended readerbase has no knowledge of what Ozy and Millie is, hence the lengthy (and sometimes inaccurate) descriptions.
3. This is the first rough draft of the story, and so I haven't really looked through it to find any errors or places to make revisions. This might come later if my group chooses to use my story for our project.
4. The short story needed to have all the traditional plot elements, which is why the plot seems rather thin. I think my intro is decent, but I couldn't think of a good enough conflict to make it all that great. Also, the ending is a complete cop-out, hehe.
5. Quotes in the middle are from the Big Book of Semi-Coherent Wisdom (around June of 2000).

Constructive criticism would be nice, but I fully understand that huge walls of text are daunting for most people.

With that said, enjoy.

--rough draft here--

Thats a good story!

Yes, truely awesome. I knew it was only a mater of time until someone wrote an Ozy & Milie fanfiction. Great job dude.

Not to mention heartwarming the way how Millie experiences good wisdom from Ozy's philosophy and really puts it to good use there. Nothing like a rush of self-confidence and can give an adrenaline surge that brings miracles. I only hope that Rain will approve of this story and find it just as entertaining.

Skills Dan, skills.

Very nice!

I just wanted to thank you guys for the warm reception. It's good to know that my work was appreciated.

Here's the revised copy I'm turning in for a grade. It's not necessarily better though, and not too much has changed. I mostly just modified a few run-on sentences and places with awkward wording. I also added some more dialog since this will ultimately become a screenplay. Can't have the screenplay consist entirely of stage directions after all.

http://danthemanms.googlepages.com/Rain ... dDraft.txt

Text file for your convenience this time, rather than making the page unnecessarily long.

Normally, even though it might be only slightly in error, I tend to completely rewrite entire essays after the rough. Heh, so I guess if it was I who was doing this the final would look nothing like that. Hope you get a good grade

Just thought I should give an update here. The project finished up last semester, and so I just updated the first post with links to all the downloads. New additions are the screenplay, storyboard, and business letter.

Very nice man. Thanks for sharing.

Very good, Dan.



That's coming from a guy who's currently in an apprenticeship for a movie director.



actually I noticed many mistakes and flaws in the whole thing. But for a beginner, it's really good.

actually I noticed many mistakes and flaws in the whole thing. But for a beginner, it's really good.

So glad you approve.

actually I noticed many mistakes and flaws in the whole thing. But for a beginner, it's really good.

So glad you approve.

there's a reason I made that text small.

Meh, I really only put forth effort into the short story. The rest was just for the project grade. And yeah, if it was an actual movie it would fail utterly, but as a story I think it can hold its own. Somewhat. To an extent. Maybe.

May I ask for a few examples of things I could do to improve my writing in the future?