Limerick slam!

[CodeCat]

Personally I don't see the point in haikus, and limericks are much more my style. I hope enough people agree with me to prevent this topic from dying sad and alone...

Sp post your limericks now! Think of the poor lonely topics!

[gforce422]

I will be the first one to add
A limerick to make all men glad
Though now I must go!
Please do not cry though,
Or else it will make me sad.

[Kyler Thatch]

Good sir, I thought that was just flat.
Surely you can do better than that!
If you'll just try again
I can guarantee ten
That sound good (or I'll go eat my hat).

[Doc Sigma]

There once was a user named Doc
...meh, limericks are hard to write

[Tom Flapwell]

There once was a vixen named Millie
Who danced in the rain till quite chilly,
So she said, "What I need
Is a nice mug of mead,"
And she ground up her notebooks. Yeah, really.

[RocketGirl]

A Scotsman named Angus McCloud
Thought he was quite well endowed
He'd oft lift his kilt
To show how he was built
No matter how unreceptive the crowd

Actually, I've begun working on an epic limerick, The Ballad of Richard the Brave. It's not nearly finished yet, but...well...

Richard, the journeyman knave
Thought he was stalwart and brave
To prove he was best
He set off on a quest
For treasure, or damsels to save

He mounted his snowy white horse
And took off on an easterly course
With his sword and his shield
He vowed never to yield
In the face of unstoppable force

At night he stopped to make camp
And while lighting a shuttered lamp
From out of the woods
Came druids in hoods
Surprising our heroic champ

"Sir Richard," said the leader of they
"A prophecy we've come to say,
"Your quest to find fame
"Shall sully thy name,
"And doom shall find ye some day!"

Poor Richard was taken aback
Proclaimed he, "Alas and alack!
"Do you mean to say
"If I continue this way
"I shall find myself dead on my back?"

"As to that, I cannot tell,
"If your fate is in heaven or hell.
"But by your own deeds,
"The propchecy reads,
"Your reputation is what you shall fell."

Poor Richard considered and thought,
Whether to heed this warning or not,
Finally, said he,
"Begone, all of ye!
"I shall not believe in this rot!"

"Do you think me a gullible child?
"That prophecy might get me riled?
"I know none of you,
"And if you speak true,
"Or if you would have me beguiled!"

And with that, he drew his sword,
And proclaimed, "I find I grow bored,
"Of hearing this piffle.
"Prophecy or drivel,
"It simply can't be endured!"

The driud chief just simply bowed,
Without a look or a sign he'd been cowed.
"Our task is completed,
"It's time we retreated,
"For we've done all that we have avowed."

Sir Richard watched as they left.
He was feeling mighty bereft,
"Prophecy be damned,
"I'll not fall; I will stand!
"Against danger my sword-hand is deft!"

"No prophecy rules if I die!
"Their augury shall be known a lie!
"I'll come through in the finish,
"A hero undiminished,
"To their prediction, I shall say, 'fie'!"

"My good name, too, shall remain,
"In good standing, with fortune and fame.
"A legend in true,
"With women to woo,
"And not in that future of shame!"

After completing his vociferous vent
It was to sleep that Sir Richard went
No dreams did he have
Not of good nor of bad
Nor of tragic prophecy's lament

In the morning, he did awake
And camp he proceeded to break
Then our brave man
Began making a plan
For which path to glory to take

"The east seems though it is best,
"For nobody lives in the west.
"The north is empty,
"The south leads to the sea,
"So eastward shall I follow my quest."

So Richard rode off to the east
In search of some fabled dread beast
Or some hero's deed
Like a princess in need
It didn't matter to him in the least

In time he came to a town
And in order to seek his renown
He paid a quick call
Upon city hall
A building made of stone colored brown

And that's where he met the mayor
Who thought RIchard noble and fair
"A reward," said he,
"Shall be paid to thee,
"If thou goest to the dragon's lair."

"A dragon!" Sir Richard exclaimed,
"If I kill it, I shall be rather famed."
"Though many have tried,
"But were fried and then died,
"I shall not be so enflamed!"

"A warning to the brave and the wise,"
Said the mayor with a look in his eyes
"This dragon is old,
"So be not too bold,
"For any who attacks the beast dies."

"Elder dragons are terribly scary,
"So, Sir Richard, do please be wary,
"For as dragons age,
"They gain powerful rage,
"And a fight with them becomes hairy."

Sir Richard said, "Verily, 'tis true?
"Elder dragons, more powerful than new?
"I'd guess age meant weak,
"Not filled up with pique,
"I admit, I am new to this view."

"Indeed," said the mayor to our knight
"You're in for one hell of a fight,
"For dragons don't die
"Unless killed, by the by
"Immortality is their divine right!"

"And so, in power they grow,
"From magic, to the fire they blow,
"And many a knight,
"Has gone in for the fight,
"And all have thus far come to woe!"

Richard stretched as tall as he could,
And declared from there where he stood,
"I shall kill this wyrm,
"So that fame I shall earn,
"But also for all that is good!"

"Our champion!" the mayor declared
"You shall fight where so few have dared!
"And let's hope you win,
"Without losing your skin,
"To that end, we must get you prepared!"

So a room at the inn he was lent
Where dragonslayers never pay rent
And he feasted on mutton
(All heroes are gluttons)
In the morn, to the dragon he'd be sent

Of course, the town knew his plan
So they came to talk to this man
About how he would slay
A dragon the next day
And that's how Sir Rick met Diane

She was a local stroneworker's daughter
With blue eyes like sparkling water
Richard knew by her face
That he craved her embrace
And that then things might a mite hotter

So, trying to control his emotion
While the crowd still caused a commotion
Richard said to the maid,
"Milady, I'd trade,"
"The rest of my days for a potion!"

"Milord, what kind of a brew?"
Asked Diane, her eyebrow askew.
"Why, a potion of love,
"My sweet winsome dove!
"For that's what I'm thinking of you!"

"Sir Richard," Miss Diane retorted,
"I must be properly courted,
"If the dragon is slain,
"Well, then my fair swain,
"I'll know that you're all you're purported."

Sir Richard considered her condition
"So, you're saying that I'll have permission,
"To ask for your hand,
"If victorious I stand,
"Having survived and come back from my mission?"

[gforce422]

How can I even consider
A limerick to trump your endeavor!
I'll sink back in my seat,
And I'll admit defeat,
And sullenly mumble, "Whatever."

(seriously though, wow, nice job. )

[MuffinSticks]

There is a girl of late
Who wrote a poem so great
That I am so inclined
Without a doubt in my mind
To declare her the best newbie to date

[Tom Flapwell]

The forum's outrageous new star
Has produced the best poem so far
In a thread for a game.
But alas, what a shame:
For some readers, it's "tl;dr."

[nickspoon]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who wanted to rhyme the word 'bucket'
His attempts - though quite stressful
Remained unsuccessful
So he threw down his pen and said oh well, never mind.

Not quite a limerick, I know, but I'm fond of it.

[Tom Flapwell]

A mustachioed bundle of fluff
Found writing good limericks tough,
So he cheated a tad
As he censored a bad
Couple words, but I say, close enough.

[D-puff]

In the home of a boy quite obese
Eating lard he simply would not cease
His weight was appalling
His circumference still sprawling
His hair was oh so filled with grease

(If you knew the inside joke where this originated from, this would be hilarious.
I'll post more when I think of it...they're actually pretty fun to make.)

[Segovia]

In mind there are two rooms.
One of them is cold and unforgiving.
One of them of them could make blankets on a loom.

Here in this world where anything could be dreamed.
Where everything is fun and all that seems,
nothing is impossible, nothing can be stopped,
alas I must put dreams at a halt.

Here I am just another guy,
Just another soul that crys.
When will I be free,
Where will I go.
Some of these things I just don't know.

[Trance]

Two roads in a forest
One left one right.
Why is this so hard?
Why must we chose?
Why must we fight?

Is this reality or is this made up?
Are we real or are we dust.
In a world that is cold and unforgiving,
we surely are objects of lust.

Light is comforting but darkness is empty cold.
Who am I?
I don't know.
What is this about?
....Hell I dunno?

This is quite possibly the most dazzling display of fail I've ever seen.

[Segovia]

That's why I revised it. God I hated when some one post when I'm not finished revising. Nature of the forum I guess.