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Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 4:40 pm
by Bocaj Claw
Leverage. As spoken in a Jack Sparrow accent.
How do I endure a long and probably boring graduation ceremony?
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 6:33 pm
by Doc Sigma
With two hands and a smile.
How do I tell if it's raining?
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 11:57 pm
by Bocaj Claw
You need the new Elphaba brand wicked witch umbrella. If it melts, then it is probably raining.
How do I stop the great Zuul from obtaining the seventh Ruby of the Sahara and thus reawaken a long-sleeping race of demonic murder machines?
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 1:07 am
by A dude named Vince
Get Uwe Boll to make a documentary of it.
How do I learn how to drive a car with a manual transmission?
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 1:20 am
by Bocaj Claw
Trial and error. Oh god, the amount of trail and error. Mostly error.
How do I get these idiots to shut up when I'm trying to write an essay?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:06 am
by Segovia
Probably just a hispanic answer. Throw a bottle of Lucas in front of them.
How do I stop the world from turning atheist without being one of those religous jerks that everybody hates?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:08 am
by nickspoon
Attempting to prevent anybody from turning atheist makes you, by definition, a religious jerk. Or at least a jerk.
How do I forget?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:09 am
by Segovia
That doesn't answer my question!
Anyway bang your head on the desk.
How do I make cheddar into swiss without drilling holes in it?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 2:04 am
by Bocaj Claw
Unleash a plague of cheese eating bacteria. Srsly.
How do I mine for pyrite?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 2:14 am
by Segovia
Unleash a plague of cheese eating bacteria. Srsly.
If I send bacteria then my cheese will be a rind cheese! I wanted swiss not Blue Cheese! A plague on your house!
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 2:30 am
by Tarukai
actually, swiss cheese has holes because of bacteria during the making. young swiss cheese has no holes, or very small ones.
How I mine for fish?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 2:36 am
by Segovia
I asked the same question and this is what Bocaj Claw told me.
That's a very good question. Y'see, fish mining is a very complex process with a long history. Archaeologists have found evidence that the Scots were mining for fish all the way back in the Bronze Age. It often occurs that due to geological shift, what was once ocean can find itself smack dab in the middle of terra. I find that its important to have knowledge of mining safety techniques. As fish are often found deep you will need many props to hold up the mine shaft and canaries to detect gas. Make sure your drills are in proper working order and that the dynamite has been kept dry. The actual extraction process is also difficult. You can't just whale on the fish or you may destroy it fragile form. One should cut around the precious fish and gently lever it out of the wall. Finally, a long grueling treatment process to remove excess rock and other material and you have yourself a precious commodity. I hope you all learned something and will join me next time when I address the age old question of how to parachute for clams.
How Do I become funny?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 2:45 am
by Bocaj Claw
There are several methods. One method is to cultivate a quick wit, a penchant for pithy sayings and always look for how to turn situations on its head. Freud believed that humor came from a catharsis due to how risque the average joke is what with the violence and sex, people laugh because they're grateful that the situation exposing them to such has ended. As for me, I just whatever pops into my mind and people laugh for some reason. I would suggest watching ridiculous amounts of British comedy. The British are known for their dry humor.
Polonious pontificated that brevity is the soul of wit. How do I stop being so wordy?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 3:03 am
by Tarukai
Simplicity.
How do I get money when I have things to buy and my job doesn't give me enough?
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 4:37 am
by MuffinSticks
Engage in a pyramid scheme.
How do I elect ralph nader