Jokes, Jokes, tell me Jokes.

[Ozymandias]

So cast your mind back to France.

We all know the story of Notre Damme, and Quasimodo, but when he passed away the bishop had no idea who would ring the bells. Fraught, he held open auditions.

Well, most Parisians were rubbish, frankly. Nobody could replace Quasimodo. At the end of the day, one man walked in, and said:
"Bishop, I´d like to try for the position. However, I have a strange way of ringing the bells."
With nobody else being a sensible choice, the Bishop agreed.

The man rang the bells with his face, headbutting the heavy MEHTUL objects with great force. However, it was so tuneful that all the people in the street stopped to listen. The bishop closed his eyes and became lost in the melody. On the final note, the mand took a running start, but missed his footing and fell from the belltower.

Alarmed, the bishop ran downstairs and into the street where a crowd had gathered.
"Bishop! Bishop! Who was this man? He had so much talent..."
The bishop was unable to answer the crowd -- he had never asked the man what he was called. Shrugging, he plainly spoke:
"I don´t know his name, but his face rings a bell..."


-------------------------------


The next day, still without a bellringer, the trials continue. Another man, looking similar to the one from yesterday, arrives. He demands that the bishop let him try too.
"I am my the dead man´s brother. I too can play the bells, albeit in a more conventional way. It´s only fair that you let me try."

Again, the man is brilliant, and the music so pleasant that a crowd again forms in the street. But when it´s time for the final note, the bell comes loose and falls, crushing the man.

Awaiting the finale, the crowd rush up the belltower.
"Bishop! Who was this man? He was so good..."

Cursing under his breath, the bishop is again unable to answer. He hadn´t asked the man´s name again. All he was able to say was:
"I´m sorry, I don´t know what he´s called, but he´s a dead ringer for his brother!"

And B, I think England could use someone a little off the wall. And I smoke, if that makes you a bad person then half the world is doomed.

[teozo]

Tomorow I'll count the votes and see.

Dolina: When stars vote for dump stars thats called an Oscar. Right?
Barman: Yes, correct.
Dolina: So, whats called when a nation votes for dump stars.
Barman: You eaven ask. Thats a presidential election.

[Sage]

A holiday joke:

To All My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.



To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

[teozo]

In the famous words "Huston we have a problem".
A - 2 points
B - 2 points
C - 0 points

come on at least one vote.

[Tom Flapwell]

That one went over -- or, uh, under -- my head.

[gforce422]

A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "Mrs. Hillary Clinton is up ahead, standing in the middle of the road. She says she's depressed, and she's still mad that Bill cheated on her. She's trying to raise money for her campaign, and she says if she does not get over $100,000, she'll douse herself with gasoline, and light herself on fire. I'm walking around taking up a collection for her."

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about three hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."

[optiMITCHprime]

In the famous words "Huston we have a problem".
A - 2 points
B - 2 points
C - 0 points

come on at least one vote.

*sigh* you can tell when someones not texan when they misspell "houston"

[teozo]

*sigh* you can tell when someones not texan when they misspell "houston"

I'm not even American.

[Tom Flapwell]

Unless he meant actor-director John Huston.

[teozo]

I'm in a lose and foul mood since yesterdy so please don't try to diss me couse I don't want to say some thing I'll regrate.

And vote dang it.

[Tom Flapwell]

What are we voting on? Best joke so far? The jokes keep coming in.

[teozo]

OK no one is takeing me seariusly any more with the vote. So I'm giveing the last vote.
It'll be B
And hers the end finaly.

Dolina: C
Studentes: C
Reportres: C
Barman: So you all think that the C candidate is the correct choice based on the personal life
The three: Yes!
Barman: Now I'm gona tell for who you voted.
Candidate A was F.D.Rosevelt
Candidate B was W.Churchill
And candidate C for who you all voted was A.Hitler

Unlike you all most people would have voted for C couse they're all Hypocrits.

[optiMITCHprime]

I'm not even American.

...touche.

[Ozymandias]

To be fair the opening post mentions a Croatian sitcom...

As an English teacher to foreign students I see much worse English every day of my life. So a commendable effort from our migratory maestro!

And about the vote thing, we´re a pretty strange bunch on here

[teozo]

And about the vote thing, we´re a pretty strange bunch on here

We sure are and we're proud of it.

Trawler: Where have you been?
Drunk: O, my wife called.
Punk: What did she want?
Drunk: Eh, she was naked and she said "tye me to the bed and do what ever you want to me".
Trawler & Punk: Oohohohoho.
Drunk: Whats with the oohoho. I tied her to the bed and ran here.