Internet Relationships

A place to talk about anything (that doesn't belong in the other forums).

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Msj
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Postby Msj » Thu Oct 23, 2003 11:08 pm

This inspired me from Lunarbot but I was just wondering of your opinion on them. Are they stupid? Are they nice? Do they last long while others don't? I'll say my opinion later.
O&M character mood currently ---> Timulty<br><br>Changed my sig due to Ozymandius. I know I haven't been around in a while but I still think about you guys. The forum website is in my favorites folder so you aren't forgotten! Maybe I'll be back when I have time off :)

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norsenerd
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Postby norsenerd » Thu Oct 23, 2003 11:34 pm

I don't realy know. I've never had one and never known anybody that has. I think it would depend on the attitudes and personalities of the two people. For some people it can be good and for others not so much. Not knowing where I lay I'm willing to try it.<br><br>Another thing. People tend to think long distance relationships don't work. When my mother and my step-father were dating one lived in D.C. while the other in NYC. They dated for several years and eventuly got maried. Actuly for six months after they got maried they still were living 500 miles (I think) away. Long distance relationships CAN work out if both people want it too (like any other relationship).
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LotharBot

Postby LotharBot » Thu Oct 23, 2003 11:48 pm

I'm pretty sure you meant me, rather than LunarBot (though if there's someone here named LunarBot who has a similar story... yeah...)<br><br>I met my wife online. You can read our story at www.tomandcatherine.com<br><br>IMO the most important thing about having an internet relationship is that you have to be willing to be honest and caring and *pay attention* even though all you have is (presumably) text. When you're talking to someone online, you have to be willing to actually devote your time to them -- not playing solitaire in the background, or reading websites, but actually spending the time with them even though you're talking in a chat program.<br><br>Internet relationships are not for everybody. My best friend, for example, is not one to participate in internet relationships -- even people he already knows, he has trouble talking to online. And internet relationships can be dangerous, because people often treat them as second-class relationships -- "oh, he's just an internet boyfriend, not a real boyfriend" or whatever (when people cheat online, they even say they're "not really cheating" because it's online.) For those where both people are serious, though, they seem to last about as long as any other type of relationship (though I suppose, to be fair, I should mention I only had one internet girlfriend, and zero non-internet girlfriends, so I'm working from a statistically deficient sample <!--emo&:P--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' /><!--endemo--> )

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HerrSkofild
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Postby HerrSkofild » Fri Oct 24, 2003 2:31 am

> Are they stupid? <br><br>in my opinion, they are not<br><br>> Are they nice?<br><br>yes, i found the one i was in to be quite nice, although it was not a serious one...i had to end it when i got a bf irl...<br><br>> Do they last long while others don't?<br><br>well, i known of some that are long (and still going), and some that went very short<br><br>now my questions:<br><br>any reason in particual you are asking about this?<br>are you in/considering one?<br>have you met <i>someone</i> online?
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The_Sparrow_
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Postby The_Sparrow_ » Fri Oct 24, 2003 2:36 am

Well, I've never had one so I won't pretend to know much about this... I don't think they're stupid though... or at least there are things MUCH stupider than them. Nice? I suppose some are and some aren't just like anyone relationship and as far as lasting long goes I think that depends on the people involved.<br><br>Well, that's my 5 cents... <br>
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Postby Softpaw » Fri Oct 24, 2003 3:26 am

I met a guy online and dated him for four months. Every weekend, I drove two hours to visit him. After that, I tried to meet other people online, but it didn't work too well, and I've since decided that I will never do a long-distance relationship again.

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Postby LotharBot » Fri Oct 24, 2003 4:18 am

I remember when my then-girlfriend first told her grandparents she met a guy online... she expected they'd disapprove -- they're pretty old-fashioned, and all. But it turns out, they courted for years writing letters back and forth from different states, so they were completely encouraging.<br><br>Internet relationships are cool.

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Postby norsenerd » Fri Oct 24, 2003 5:13 am

And that's not like exactly the same.<br><br><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>(Extreeme use of sarcasim)</span>
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simon
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Postby simon » Fri Oct 24, 2003 5:44 am

I've been in one and it was mostly just fun. Maybe it wasn't "real" but I still liked it. I never thought of it as boyfriend/girlfriend because she lived halfway across the world. Which at times was annoying but oh well. I'm glad I did it. <br><br>But right now I really can't be bothered with relationships of any kind. :P

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Postby MidnightRealism » Fri Oct 24, 2003 6:02 am

<!--QuoteBegin-Msj+Oct 23 2003, 07:08 PM--> <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'><b>Quote:</b> (Msj @ Oct 23 2003, 07:08 PM)</td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Are they stupid? Are they nice? Do they last long while others don't?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table> <!--QuoteEEnd--><br>Having never been in one myself, I can only base my opinion on others' experiences. They seem to be as variable as any other relationship, really...some of them will blossom and mature into something special, others won't. But, heck, if relationships can last in these circumstances:<br><!--QuoteBegin-LotharBot+Oct 24 2003, 12:18 AM--> <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'><b>Quote:</b> (LotharBot @ Oct 24 2003, 12:18 AM)</td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> But it turns out, they courted for years writing letters back and forth from different states, so they were completely encouraging.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table> <!--QuoteEEnd--><br>then anything is possible. I will say that no one with whom I am directly acquainted has ever been in a lasting long-distance relationship.<br>

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Postby Foxchild » Fri Oct 24, 2003 6:24 am

My (at the time) 15 year old sister once 'dated' a guy she met online... a few friends and I placed a bet on how long iot would last, and it suprised us all. They ended up chatting almost every night for about a year... granted I read the guy as at the very least a loser(in my books, given my social status through life at that point, I don't mean a nerdy loser) while she saw him completly differently while they played 'Diablo'. At the end of the said relationship, she found out that he had basically been cheating for a while, and besides that a royal pain in the backside complaining about how he flunked out of a low-grade public highschool. <br>I met the guy once, and it only deepened my dislike. He came across to me as one of those people, even at 15, went through life thinking "i don't have to do a thing, because some poor old sap will come along and support me. Problem is, he was in part correct, his mother seemed to wait hand and foot on him. From my understandind, the household was also falling apart finantially, and from what he said to my sister he seemed to want it to fall apart. I think though all of this, he wouldn't even get a job. I know he played about 16 hours a day on everquest, because my sister kept complaining about that.<br>needless to say, I think my perceptions on internet dating are a little tainted at the moment. However, if you meet a person in the proper manner online, I guess it's really is no different than in person.

Zel-kun

Postby Zel-kun » Fri Oct 24, 2003 8:35 am

I've known friends that have had internet relationships. I, myself, have some close friendships with people who are naught but lines of text on a screen. I believe an internet relationship is much like a 'real life' relationship. If both parties wish to make it work, then it shall.<br>While I don't think I could find myself in an internet relationship, I do not think that its wrong. After all, as LotharBot (LunarBot, heh) said in his story, its not too much different from correspondance relationships that have been condoned for centuries.

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Postby Msj » Fri Oct 24, 2003 2:15 pm

Wow, nice stories everyone <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... /smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo--><br><br>To answer your question, HerrSkofild, I have been in one before and I am currently in one now, it'll be nearly a year in December. The last close one I was in last year ended due to my mother who acted as every protective mother does when I told her I was seeing someone online. She yelled at me, nearly took away my net, nearly told my dad (strict disciplinarian who doesn't live with us), and forbid me to ever speak to him again. She said that I was taking advantage of her because she doesn't know how to use a computer when I was only being honest with her. Worst time of my life. After that I've been afraid to tell her that I'm in another relationship and this one I'd really like to work out <!--emo&:(--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... ns/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo--> He's going to come visit me next summer when school ends but what then? The confrontation will beging and I don't know what will happen. It just scares me <!--emo&:unsure:--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... unsure.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='unsure.gif' /><!--endemo-->
O&M character mood currently ---> Timulty<br><br>Changed my sig due to Ozymandius. I know I haven't been around in a while but I still think about you guys. The forum website is in my favorites folder so you aren't forgotten! Maybe I'll be back when I have time off :)

LotharBot

Postby LotharBot » Fri Oct 24, 2003 5:00 pm

well, if it's behind your mom's back, that's a whole other can of worms...<br><br>As soon as my then-girlfriend and I decided it was serious, we both let our parents know, and we made plans to meet during the next holiday break (Christmas). And we made sure it would be entirely under her parents' supervision -- so they didn't feel like their daughter was doing anything behind their backs. We also made sure they knew the nature of our relationship -- that we'd talk for hours on end, that we were doing a Bible study together, that there was actual depth to our relationship (and that we weren't cyber secksing.)<br><br>It's very important not to lose your parents' trust when you're dating someone -- your parents are some of the most valuable allies and consultants you can have. Get it out in the open sooner, rather than later -- and make it clear you treat this just like you would any other relationship, and that you want your mom to meet the guy.<br><br>Also, if your mom thinks internet relationships themselves are inherently dangerous, show her my webpage. Heck, if she wants to talk to me and my wife about the way internet relationships work, I'll send my phone number. If your mom just plain overreacts about intenet relationships, give her a chance to talk to someone who's been there - done that - got the T-shirt (I actually have a 'congratulations Tom and Catherine' t-shirt a friend made for us <!--emo&:P--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' /><!--endemo-->)

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Caigan
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Postby Caigan » Fri Oct 24, 2003 6:28 pm

Internet relationships are a whole different beast than in-person ones. I know, I've been in two, and both were (and are) very rewarding (my first lasted 5 years, from 14 to 19, the one I'm in currently has lasted one and a half years).<br><br>My current mate has had his share of problems with internet relationships, and I've known about these sorts of problems from my friends.<br><br>Online relationships rely on, above all things, trust. You are not in person with your gf/bf in most cases. How they act online is what you know, and that is where trust comes in. The internet is anonymity, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint. It is easy for someone to fake who they are, to lie without feeling guilty (it happened to my current mate), as to most people their online personality is nothing but a story they came up with.<br><br>But to myself, my mate, and lots of others I know, our online personality reflects our real personality constantly, so we act more like our real selves, with a little less of the inhibitions of real life. <br><br>Back to topic...internet relationships aren't stupid, they just run a lot more...hazardous to say the least. The farther the distance between you and the other person, the more hazardous it is. <br><br>The other side of this coin, though, is that if you find someone, that you have already gone through one of the bigger tests in a relationship : distance. My mate puts it best : "The internet bring us so close together, yet not close enough to hug in person."
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