Politics explained

[Liz]

So I was stumbling, and I stumbled upon this:

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

[bad ass antelope]

EXCUSE ME BUT PURE ANARCHY WOULD ACTUALLY BE THE SAME AS PURE COMMUNISM.

[simon]

I have two cows??

[datherman]

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!

[/referencenobodyisgoingtoget]

[Hyperion]

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!

[/referencenobodyisgoingtoget]

*get's the reference*

[Muninn]

Heh, I've seen this before and I think I also saw another list about various religions/denominations explained with squirrels and nuts.

[bad ass antelope]

one time I wrote something explaining how and why god created each race but I think it was too offensive to post here.

[Bocaj Claw]

Wouldn't capitalism be

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. A man with four cows buys them out from under you

?

[Baconsticks]

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!

[/referencenobodyisgoingtoget]

Star Trek: The Next Generation reference. Picard said it while being tortured.

I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO LOOK ON GOOGLE FOR THAT ONE

[Steve the Pocket]

I think pure capitalism would be something like, "You have two cows. A factory farm that has a million cows has stolen all your business by getting exclusive contracts with all the big-name grocery chains, and you can't do anything about it."

[bad ass antelope]

it's too forced though. The current libertarian example does a great job at pointing out how stupid it is.

[Comrade K]

I think pure capitalism would be something like, "You have two cows. A factory farm that has a million cows has stolen all your business by getting exclusive contracts with all the big-name grocery chains, and you can't do anything about it."

You could market your cows as superior, appeal to people who prefer local farms and non-factory farming (such as myself) and continue on your merry way in a niche market, selling to more local DIY type people, with a superior product. Create a market for what you have that factory farms don't (read: ethics and community). Also, form a cooperative with other people with two cows, use that as an advantage, and continue to produce a better product, which you can all collectively sell to large chains. Alternatively, screw the large chains, sell to local stores, again, with emphasis on superior product, ethics and community.

[Steve the Pocket]

I think pure capitalism would be something like, "You have two cows. A factory farm that has a million cows has stolen all your business by getting exclusive contracts with all the big-name grocery chains, and you can't do anything about it."

You could market your cows as superior, appeal to people who prefer local farms and non-factory farming (such as myself) and continue on your merry way in a niche market, selling to more local DIY type people, with a superior product. Create a market for what you have that factory farms don't (read: ethics and community). Also, form a cooperative with other people with two cows, use that as an advantage, and continue to produce a better product, which you can all collectively sell to large chains. Alternatively, screw the large chains, sell to local stores, again, with emphasis on superior product, ethics and community.

Some communist you turned out to be.

[bad ass antelope]

ANARCHO-COMMUNIST
ANARCHO-CAPITALIST

IT'S ALL THE SAME THING

[Baconsticks]

EXCUSE ME BUT PURE ANARCHY WOULD ACTUALLY BE THE SAME AS PURE COMMUNISM.

Anarchy is Communism without the government.

Get it right, foo.