Readers: give input to which offtopic story I should write

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What should Tai focus on? (Read post before voting aaaaa)

Poll ended at Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:04 am

1
3
60%
2
0
No votes
3
0
No votes
my adventures as an INTERNET SPACESHIP PILOT ^__^
2
40%
 
Total votes: 5

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Tai
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Readers: give input to which offtopic story I should write

Postby Tai » Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:04 am

Ok my last thread didn't go over too well since I was all whiny but THIS TIME there's a chance for YOU to pick what I should type about. Even if you don't want to read my hundreds+ page scrawlings you can choose what kind of bad writing will first be written, and maybe if you do like reading you could actually read one :3

All three are meant to seem like it could happen IN THE REAL WORLD present day, with a bit of licence (i.e. if magic was real, if dragons were real, if someone has some hidden technology). Each story has its own atmosphere, but isn't entirely divorced from "the real world". In fact maybe these will come to pass later, who knows :o

The first is set in a city in a desert after world governments crumble and people are getting by with what infrastructure remains; but among those people are a brother/sister pair turned anthro cat (unwillingly transformed) that found Claco as an accepting community. Then stuff happens, one after another; the plot is pretty fluid, no "we must quest to find the origin of our cat form" or "save the world" type thing going on. This one will be set as realistically as possible compared to the others.

Second is set with three teenagers who suddenly and unknowingly acquire magical power; the first, Sam, is being chased down from the first page, Casey goes about trying to take advantage of his newfound gift, and Cassandra tries to ponder what is going on. With the help of Rolo, an old man deemed crazy for believing in magic, Sam learns to hone his skill enough to sniff out the others; there will be a lot of twists in this one but any more plot description would ruin those twists and another plot where you won't be able to see where it will go until you read it, so don't take the excerpt as a 100% indication of how the story will read, and a loooot of fantasy will be present in this one.

Third I have planned as a short; pretty straightforward, simple. A pair of dragons discuss the extinction of their race, but need to do a magicky thing before they go, lest their civilization be lost forever. However, a lost little kid stumbles upon them, and so an exchange of culture happens for the first time in centuries after all the dragon hunts in the past. More of a trip though the emotions and a moral of the story type thing going on.

And I could always write about my internet spaceship travels if what you see isn't to your liking :|

Do try to at least say why you picked what you chose, and be cruel in your review if it calls for it. I really REALLY want to know why you like or dislike something because if no one bothers to say "This story is BORING and the writing is BLAND AND SLOW" then why should I continue writing it :@

With that, text samples from the beginningish of the first three in order

WALL OF TEXT WARNING:
quotes added to distinguish boundries between stories more





#1


Sama's voice took on a leering tone; "Yeah, it must be so hard to order people around for ten minutes, go for a stroll, then sleep the rest of the day."

Timur became indignant at his little sister's jibes. "It took PLANNING to give those orders, and the 'stroll' that day was a careful inspection of the tanks! Or did you forget that the commander of Claco and I have known each other since he founded this base?"

Sama adopted a taunting look. "He’s known us both longer than that. And what about your little snooze you take every day? Or is that part of your planning, creating a large puddle of drool on your desk? No wonder there are water restrictions now; it's all disappearing though your mouth onto your fancy second-in-command desk!"

Timur and Sama continued their bickering in rising tones. Sama's earlier crack about Timur being a cat wasn't too far off - both of them sported a cat-like face complete with a stubby muzzle and feline pupils. Thin whiskers drifted with the wind and inertia when they moved their heads. They still looked human enough to recognize facial expressions, but also sported a tail. They even were set with thick orange-striped white fur that let them wear shorts in the middle of winter, Timur having a considerably darker shade than that of his sister. The cutoff shirts revealed part of their stomachs, which was devoid of orange. Their hands and feet, though the latter was covered by their boots, had five appendages each, and had pads on the tips and palms. Their eyes were unique: Timur had brown irises that were so bright they could pass for orange, and had a shiny grey border around the burnt orange, while Sama had the same shade of grey Timur had flecked with small shreds of the brown. Timur’s head was set with finger length brown hair cut at the forehead, while Sama had a wash of identically colored and cut hair just past shoulder length. The two of them were indistinguishable from your everyday nuclear war survivor at a distance, provided the tufts of fur hanging on either side of their heads and the ears on top of their heads along with their tails were hidden.

Pash looked at the bickering siblings with a faint air of amusement. Pash had black hair that grew down to his eyebrows, which was combed and washed but still clumped together in wads. He was a couple years older than Timur, and nearly matched Timur’s height. Like most other people at Claco, he was lean from the mainly plant diet and the nature of the work done around the camp. One of the forms of entertainment he had the pleasure of experiencing was watching the two siblings when they were together, and trying to figure out which one would win when they fought.

[Later]

Outside, the air was riddled with explosions, concussive waves resulting from explosions, sounds of distant gunfire, and the odd ricochet from a bullet. Timur managed to get outside first, and quickly peered around the edge of the building. He glanced back at Daniel, now a step behind him, and Timur swung his rifle to aim and downed one of the troops. He swung back around as the return fire came, one of them impacting the cement. Timur yelled, “How are we going to get out? They’re everywhere!”

Daniel almost dropped his rifle. “Oh come on, Commander Timur is puzzled on what to do?”

[slightly later]

Timur did the same, and said, “Just crouch by the door; I’ll make a run for Elmspree’s place.” Timur stood beside the door, against the wall, ready to sprint across.

Daniel peered out from the corner again, and waved for Timur to run out. At the same time, Daniel fired a few cover shots as Timur sprinted across the small road, tail waving with every step, gun at the ready.

Then Timur felt a sharp pain in his leg. Timur fell, his momentum carrying him a few feet further in a tumble. By some stroke of luck he managed to keep a hold on his rifle. Adrenaline shunted out the pain, though the panic of being out of the open made Timur just as useless. Shock was keeping a tight grip on his rifle, even though it slowed his mad scramble across to the next building. After a few frenzied seconds, Timur realized he wasn’t getting making any significant progress, and shots were peppering the ground all around him.

Daniel bit his lip and painfully muttered, “God what am I DOING…” He ran out and slid near Timur, and took a kneeling stance near Timur.

Timur was shocked. “What ARE you doing?!”

* * *

Upstairs, Pash returned with a large rifle that used bullets much larger than his. The ammunition was saved specifically for an incursion, rare military-grade bullets with black tips He handed the rifle, which would pierce though the windshield of tanks, to the better sniper. Sama took it quickly, setting up the tripod at the barrel end and assuming a prone position at the opposite side of the window, using the cement for cover on the same side Pash was kneeling with Sama’s personal rifle. While Timur and Daniel held the building from outside, Sama and Pash were picking off their respective targets. The report of the anti-armor gun was deafening as the shells screamed toward their targets in relative silence before tearing though the normally bulletproof glass, while the lesser snap of the sniper rifle was deadly nonetheless.

The calming breaths each took before lining up their targets steadied them to make the shot. Taking but a moment to line up a target in the reticule, then gently squeeze the trigger to keep their aim true. A miss would waste time and ammo, each in short supply. Both trusted the duo downstairs utterly to prevent any unwelcome visitors that would easily kill them as they lie there, too focused to recognize bullets hitting around them. The concentration needed to track wind, motion, target priority, and dozens of other variables required them to give up any sense of the world around them, and focus on the landscape at the end of a gun. Minutes faded into each other, time being irrelevant to the snipers, and targets fell in an instant that stretched endlessly. As Sama reloaded once again to disable more of the armored transports, she noted that Elmspree’s group fared well from the cover from Daniel and Timur in the doorway, all of them causing swaths of invaders to hide from their small arms fire.



#2

Flat earth, solid and even underfoot. Rush, hurry now, something is wrong, horribly wrong. This should not have happened at all. Every detail planned and triple checked, but this was entirely unprecedented and if this goes bad it will be so much worse than imagined – everything was done to PREVENT this, getting caught or even killed was an acceptable outcome in comparison and you need to hurry now now or you’ll lose so much more go faster –

Sam woke up, his face down in dirt, surrounded by trees. It was still raining, a light pattering against the leaves, dead or alive. He coughed once, and got up with only a slight stagger. What the heck just happened? This was not the time to have daydreams, with those people chasing him. Sam had no idea why he started running in the first place, but when the guys in suits started running after him with guns, he decided to ask questions after he put some distance between them. He got up and began running again. He was almost halfway to the point where he had a tidy hiding spot, used for his paintball ammo cache and snipe point, he could hide there until, well until he at least caught his breath or the other guys lost their interest in him. Thunder rumbled, and rain continued.

A slick pile of leaves ended his dash. Sam slid and fell, almost crumpled in a pile. Out of the rush of the moment he tried to get up once again, but his twisted ankle refused to support him, and the agony caused him to scream briefly. Sam heard someone shout, “I think I heard something over here,” and the accompanying rushing of feet. Sam knew zero about the group that wanted him, except for “if they catch you, you will disappear again and no one will know what happened to you,” and that was more than enough to motivate Sam to try again. The second attempt sent another tide of pain up his leg into his stomach, but this time he managed to stifle any anguished cries. Sam backed up against the nearest tree, panic starting to shoot into his brain. This couldn’t end like this! The cache was barely 100 feet away, he could see it! The tarp would’ve covered him, and Sam could slip off after the searchers left but before they brought in dogs or whatever; for them wanting to catch some random kid like him, they must have some other means of finding him.

A man with a pistol was stepping out just from the side of the tree he was leaning against. He was looking elsewhere, but just a turn of the head and it would be over. Desperately, Sam hunkered down, trying to be as small as possible, thinking, “please don’t see me please don’t see me,” hoping the guy would just walk by.

The man stepped forward and looked straight at Sam.

The man turned back and called out, “Maybe it was nothing.”

Sam was so bewildered his throat constricted. The man walked off, and the sounds of the forest returned. He couldn’t talk if he wanted, and it was quite the opposite of what he wanted. After what seemed like an eternity later, he wished that he could find other people to share this with, because no one sane would ever believe this.

Sam began laughing in the middle of the forest, and just couldn't stop.
[Ok ok I don't have much coherently written for an audience, just consider "leeay" as a placeholder till I can more accurately describe the negative side effect of using magic that takes a kind of trance and lots of time to counteract]
Rolo shrugged agitatedly. “I have no talent for this kind of thing; try to siphon off some leeay from the poor soul!”

Sam gestured wildly. “I’ve never done anything like this before!”

Rolo pointed at the girl. “Your choice and effort decide whether she lives or dies. No pressure, but time is rather short – start NOW.”

Sam quivered, then his body set in resolve, and he locked his eyes on the unconscious girl. Time started to stretch weirdly, and he wasn’t aware he was leaning forward so much he needed to put a hand on the glass to stop from overbalancing. He was vaguely aware that he was feeling the stress of leeay building up, at a faster rate than it should be than if he was just using his own power; he knew he was succeeding.

Then a nurse closed the blinds. The disruption startled Sam and severed his connection, and he was suddenly aware of everything around him, including a distraught woman next to them in front of the window pleading with a nurse. Sam spoke in a hushed tone: “I was doing it; I just need to see what I’m doing.”

Rolo spoke in a quiet manner as well. “Well I don’t think they’re going to allow you in with a smile, try harder!”

Casey added, “Or try to sense her, and do what you were doing that way.”

Sam took a couple seconds to reach out, and then opened his eyes again. “No way, as soon as I try to take away some leeay it breaks my concentration for sensing.”

Rolo growled, “Better try harder, or your friend is going to die. Those doctors have no idea what they’re doing in there.”

Sam sweated over trying again. He shook his head. “No way; I’m not going to be able to do this fast enough without being able to see.” Casey suddenly had an idea. Quickly, impulsively, he nudged at one of the vertical blinds on the other side of the glass. It swayed back and forth, independent from the others. Speaking up again, he said, “I might be able to get you your shot, Sam.” Concentrating, Casey raised the blind up and to the side, giving Sam a small portal into the room. Sam quickly got back to work, working as a leeay nosferatu, not noticing a few minutes later that the doctors were backing off, muttering about a miracle recovery. Rolo started, and poked Casey between the eyes. At the disruption, Casey dropped the blind to its original, concealing state, which broke Sam’s concentration in turn. Casey was angry. “What’d you do that for?”

Rolo said, “You got her out of immediate danger, now we can relax and wait for the crowd to wander off.”

Sam was just as irked. “I could’ve healed her entirely if you just would’ve given me a few more minutes!” As he said this, however, he swayed in place and had to hold a rail to keep his balance.

Rolo grunted. “And what do you think the nurse would have done, seeing the blinds magically held in place while some kid stares inside? It seems you need to rest as well, boil off some leeay before finishing.”

Sam was about to retort when the woman from earlier approached. She looked as though she was crying, but no tears came now. “Who are you?”

The three of them froze, then Casey managed to say, “We’re just friends from school, coming to visit.”

“So, you’re friends of Cassie?” She looked briefly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I’m Robin, Cassandra’s mother.”

“I’m Casey.” Sam just nodded dumbly, until after a glare and a telekinetic poke from Casey made Sam start. “Oh, I’m Sam.”

“And I’m Dexter, Sam’s grandfather.”

Just then a nurse came out of the room. Robin turned and asked, “Is she okay? Is she okay?”

The nurse smiled. “Cassandra is stable now, the doctors say she pulled out of it herself and is even showing signs of improvement.”

Robin’s face suddenly relaxed from the worry mask she had been wearing for the past few hours. “Thank you,” she said, not quite to the nurse.

Rolo put his hands on the boys’ shoulders. “We need to be going now, nice meeting you Robin.”

Sam shifted under Rolo’s hand. “No we don’t, can’t we stay awhile longer?”

Rolo squeezed Sam with his hand. “Are you talking back to me?”

Sam squirmed. “No, ow!”

Rolo grinned at Robin. “Kids these days, think they own everyone just because they think they have things us old people don’t.”

Robin almost laughed. “I’ll tell Cassie you stopped by,” she said as they turned and left.

Back in the elevator, the three of them shared a ride down with two people, and when they got off Rolo started hissing at Sam as they continued the way down. “What were you doing? You took far longer than you did with this kid here, were you trying to tell ask her out on a date too?”

Ignoring a quick protest from Casey, Sam was equally irate. “I wasn’t done yet, it was a harder because I couldn’t touch her like I did with Casey! And what's with you calling yourself Dexter?”

Rolo hooted sarcastically. “I’m sure her mother would have responded real well to some boy just going up and feeling up her daughter. And I don't give out my real name to just anyone, kid. Don't go around calling me Rolo. And actually, we’re lucky that we found Casey first, because it would be a bit more awkward if it was a boy Sam had his hands all over.”

Casey snorted with laughter, and even Sam found it a bit funny; he had to stifle his laugh as he said, “I didn’t mean it that way guys, this is serious.”

Casey was sniggering madly. “Seriously funny.”

Sam snapped at Casey. “Shut up, I didn’t even manage to do anything; I think she’ll get worse really really soon.”

Rolo stopped. He jabbed the hold button on the elevator. “What do you mean? You were too lazy staring at her to do your job?”

Sam whipped back to Rolo. “I told you, it’s a lot harder without actually having contact.”

Rolo’s voice took on a note of mild desperation. “You managed to siphon leeay from Casey so fast it overwhelmed you and took a half hour to meditate away.”

Sam struggled for words. “It’s like…I… Ok, with Casey, he was just panicking, thinking he was going to drown when he was just standing in the kiddy pool that had mysteriously risen a few inches. With that girl, it was like she was already underwater and drowning.”

Rolo released the elevator’s hold, and mashed the floor that they had just been on. “We need to hurry back, before she relapses and they lock us out again. Sam try to clear yourself of leeay so you can take every bit you can as fast as you can.”

aaaand #3


“It's too late for us to start a clutch. We cannot hope to save the others. We must make final preparations to depart.”

So said the dark gray dragon in the clearing behind the bushes in the forest, eight feet tall, or long if he got down on all fours. He was addressing another, similarly tall blue dragon, who seemed to be slightly agitated in her pacing.

“So what now, Cato? We just give up and allow our kind to disappear forever from this world?”

“It's not going to affect Earth much. And better it be that way. We don't need to wreck the already precarious situation here by suddenly revealing the great mythical dragons of legend are real.”

“I'm not overly convinced that they deserve to become the dominant plague over this world. You defend those humans far more than you really ought to.”

“Ah, Sasha, they really are an interesting sort.”

The blue dragon sneered. “So you keep saying. Maybe you should spend the rest of your days with them instead of preparing for departure.”

“It would be nice to be able to talk with a few, but really there's no way to pick out the few that actually would willing to chat without running away screaming bloody murder.”

“What should it matter what they think? The rest of them would think that one is insane; didn't you say they consider us to be only a legend?”

Cato laughed sedately. “And how am I going to find just one around here? One human sees a dragon, he's insane. A whole town sees one though, and they'll start a panic involving mass government conspiracies and mind control. Harmless stuff already is blown out of proportion, we'd cause national hysteria, along with inviting poachers to get us. That's all assuming a local doesn't have a stash of guns or the government considers us a threat to society.”

Sasha shook her flat head. “If you say we should be preparing for departure, shouldn't we begin? The rituals will take some time, and we could be easily discovered the longer we idle.”

“We can do it without alerting the locals till the very end, we just need to gather everything ahead of time and...expedite the process a bit.”

Sasha sighed. “Departure is something that shouldn't be rushed. We have to...” Sasha's head snapped around. “...wait.” With uncanny agility, she turned and almost flowed to a spot hidden by bushes, turned, and stared down at a small human, still in adolescence, still looking toward the clearing where the two had been conversing. A second later, Sasha snatched the child, now crying, and returned to the clearing. “Here's your human, though I don't think it will be willing to discuss the niceties of table manners, or anything else requiring coherent language.”

Cato took a step toward Sasha. He had to raise his voice a little. “Put it down, you're just making it cry.”

Sasha held the kid out, hand clutched around its arm. “Just try to quiet it down, we don't need to have it's parents discover we're holding their little bundle of joy in our claws.”

“There's nothing around here for miles, which is something interesting in itself...” Cato took the child, pinching the dirty, torn clothes at the scruff. From there, he gently placed it on the ground, propped up with his tail. “There, there, we're not here to eat you or anything, you're around friendly dragons.”

The crying didn't stop for a good minute. Sasha settled on the ground and waited impatiently, while Cato waited. Finally, he nudged the child up with his tail. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

The reply was sniffly. “I...I was just watching you. I'm lost.”

Sasha let out an exasperated breath. “Great, now we KNOW they're looking for this one.”

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